TGIT – Thank God It’s Tuesday 27 Aug 2013 | 05:14 pm

Last November and December, I experienced some shortened work weeks thanks to the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. Both holidays were preceded by shortened three-day work weeks, so I had to be ext...

Things We Should Have Learned From the Recession 27 Aug 2013 | 02:03 pm

Warning- This is an unfunny article. Things we should have learned from the recession: That when the chips are down and they are losing money, the big companies will give up their Ann Rand for Karl Ma...

F***ing D***head Editor Censoring **arg** Everything 26 Aug 2013 | 05:30 pm

INDIANAPOLIS – An absolute f***ing c**kface of an editor has left virtually his entire staff completely baffled and frustrated after meticulously sifting through a continuum of work and censoring just...

Ask Dink: Love Conquers All 26 Aug 2013 | 02:03 pm

Dear Dink, There is a coffee and pastry shop that I have been frequenting every morning for the last 10 years. The coffee is very good, and their breakfast pastries are to die for, not only that it is...

Bradley Manning To Be Transferred to All-Female Prison 26 Aug 2013 | 09:01 am

Convicted military whistle-blower Bradley Manning, now known as Chelsea E. Manning, will be reprimanded to the all-female Federal Prison Camp in Alderson, WV to serve out his 35 year prison sentence, ...

US vows retaliation for rebel chemical weapon use 26 Aug 2013 | 04:07 am

The United States today assured the world that the “red line” against chemical weapons use applies equally to both the Assad government in Syria and the rebel forces. “We are not hypocrites,” said Whi...

Local Man Subjects Self to Sick Experiment 25 Aug 2013 | 05:51 pm

CINCINNATI, OH—In an act that can only be described as some kind of emotional masochism, David Lauder, resident single, recently created a profile on a popular website intended for dating. The so-call...

New Trial Medication Causes Positive Thinking in Rats 24 Aug 2013 | 09:47 pm

Guy Who Otherwise Wouldn’t Give Two Shits About You Would Like to Know How that Food is Tasting 24 Aug 2013 | 01:17 pm

INDIANAPOLIS – Despite not really giving a flying fuck about you or your shitty feelings, Applebee’s server and part time student Josh Penticuff would really like to know how those chicken dippers are...

The secret to happiness: Always remain twenty-three 23 Aug 2013 | 01:59 pm

Great news for all of you who have passed the big 50 milestone and are depressed that the best part of life may have passed you by. It has, of course, but be patient. In just 19 years you’ll feel happ...